The Stage

Years ago, I had dreams of singing on a stage for thousands of people. I would sing in my room and close my eyes and envision myself before a sold-out crowd, singing from my soul. I sang my first solo in church when I was five or six and I've sung most of my life. I've sung in concert with Vince Gill, Amy Grant, Michael W. Smith, Kathy Troccoli, Sandi Patty, Chicago, and Van Halen. Of course, I was in the middle of the audience and just singing along, but that's got to count for something!

Before I enrolled in college, I auditioned for a vocal scholarship and received it. I sang in Italian, French, German, Latin, and even Russian. I loved it. When I sang on the stage for my vocal juries (your final exam as a vocal student), I always received high marks and even had several of the professors single me out and say that I had a unique voice that would take me as far as I was willing to follow it.

Sometime during my sophomore year, I realized that I was majoring in a field in which I would have a really hard time finding a job. After talking to my parents for a very long time, I decided to switch my major from Music Education to Elementary Education. I fully intended to continue to enroll in vocal classes and keep singing - maybe even minor in vocal performance. But that didn't happen. I got to the point that I just wanted to graduate and music classes weren't helping me do that quickly enough. So I stopped taking music classes and started concentrating on my major subjects.

I still sang in church with Michael and as a soloist. I knew that I would never really stop singing. During my college years and for a few years afterward, I sort of became "the wedding singer" in my hometown. By the time I was 25, I had stood on many stages and sung in over 80 weddings! When Michael and I moved, I joined the choir in our new church and after a few weeks, the director asked me to come by and audition to be a soloist. Over the next few years, I sang many solos from the stage. One of the most memorable ones was when I stood at the top of the balcony steps at the beginning of a Christmas program and sang a capella. What a rush! A few years later, when our services began to change to suit our congregations, I auditioned for a coveted spot on one of our church's praise teams. I LOVED singing on the praise team. It was incredible to stand on the stage and use a talent to serve and worship God.

When I became pregnant with my second child, it became obvious that I couldn't continue with the grueling rehearsal schedule required by the praise team. I was constantly exhausted during the pregnancy - and from taking care of Christopher who was going through his "terrible threes." So I resigned from my spot, praying that the opportunity would arise again when the kids were older and I had fewer outside commitments.

That was three years ago and I haven't sung in public since. I'm not sure I could do it today if I was asked to. Being onstage and singing used to be one of the things I loved doing best. It's really not a part of my life anymore. I do miss it often.

But now I have a different stage. It's made of wood like all the others, but this stage is a beautiful, dark wood rocking chair given to me by my brother when I was expecting my son. Even though this stage is different, it is still very similar to all the other ones I've sung from. I still have a captive audience, but now, it's an audience of one. One little girl who whispers her requests in my ear and then lays her head on my shoulder and listens as I sing for her. Her favorite song is - and has been since birth - "The Way You Look Tonight." She knows every word and sometimes sings along softly. She calls it "Someday." My repertoire has expanded and now is a blended medley of praise songs, old hymns, standards, Disney movie theme songs, and, yes, the occasional Italian classic. The rocking of the chair is a perfect metronome to keep the music flowing as it should. The acoustics of the nursery may not rival those of any music hall, but the songs still echo in the sweet ears and heart of my daughter.


This stage is very different, but I'm a much bigger star in her eyes than I ever was before. To her, my voice is a soothing lullaby of love. When I hold her in my arms and sing, I see her long lashes flutter down onto her cheeks in sleep like the gentlest butterfly wings. I hear the soft sigh of her even breathing and feel her heart beating next to mine. I brush the red curls away from her face and see her soft lips parted in sleep and I know...

This is the sweetest ovation I could ever receive.